Sabrina Tomaszewski (photo) was born into a Spiritist family in the Brazilian city of São Paulo. She moved to Orlando, in the United States, in 2005. She has a degree in Computer Systems Analysis degree and a Master in IT Design. In Florida, she is a volunteer worker and director at the Peace & Knowledge Spiritist Center, in Orlando. She is a Spiritist speaker and coordinates the healing department at the organisations. Our interviewee this week speaks about her experience since she was given a sterility diagnosis.

When and how did you become a Spiritist?

I was born in a family where my maternal grandparents, uncles and aunts were Spiritist. They lived in the city of Uberaba, in Minas Gerais state. I had the first signs of mediumship aged 10 and was helped then by an uncle of mine, who guided me until I was a bit older. I joined the São Paulo State Spiritist Federation when I was 19 and attended several courses until I moved to the US and joined the Spiritist Movement here in Orlando. We are about 50 volunteer workers and we offer a number of activities both in English and Portuguese.  

Tell us your experience with adoption.

Two years into our marriage, my husband and I were given a sterility diagnosis. There was no apparent cause, at least initially. We then considered the options and decided to adopt a child. Our child joined us in 2012, when he was 2 months old. He has been God’s biggest blessing in our lives.

How is your work supporting couples facing infertility and also mothers who have “lost” their babies?

I don’t have any structured activity in that area. Since I had my experience, I have helped many families. But they came to me through the counselling, or fraternal assistance, we offered at the Spiritist Centre. In other cases, I came out to help when people mentioned they were going through a similar situation.

How do you feel as an adoptive mother and also as someone giving support who those coming to you for help?

I have huge gratitude and a sense of spiritual realisation. A challenge or apparent problem like sterility, for example, can look like something bad. I already believed that God used such opportunities to help us develop. Having gone through that experience, I feel now that I am in a better position to help other families understand that these processes are in fact a great blessing in disguise. I can only thank God for this trial. It was difficult and painful, but experiences like this have allowed me to open other doors that God had shown and enabled me to grow spiritually.

What would you say to mothers who cannot get pregnant?

One thing I would certainly not say is what I was told initially: “Have faith, you are a Spiritist and need to accept. Adopt instead.” The pain you feel in such moments is real. It does not depend on your spiritual beliefs. You go through a period of mourning that is necessary for you to accept the situation. Each one has their own time. The time comes, however, when you need to open your heart and look into other possibilities beyond biological maternity. What helped me eventually was asking myself: “Do I want to be a mother or do I want to be pregnant?” When I found the answer deep inside my soul, the pain went away: “I want to be a mother. God may not have closed that door to me. I will look for alternatives.”

What would you say to mothers who have adopted children?

I really like a quote by Divaldo Pereira Franco in one of his interviews in 2009. “When you adopt, the love is not smaller than when you have a biological child. I believe that it may be even bigger, as the biological child comes to us while we need to look for, to go and get the adopted child. Happy are those who can adopt love and take home the loved ones, or even the troubled Spirits, that they were not able to have through biological means. By going out to get someone who needs love, they will be getting into a state of cosmic conscience.” So, I would advise them to embrace this enlightening opportunity to experience love beyond the limits of corporeal links. Maternity is a divine blessing. When it is a choice that we do with our hearts, even more so. I feel it is part of a deeper search for the small treasures hidden in our soul.

Is there anything else you would like to add?

My family, which has been formed through spiritual connections, is the biggest blessing I have received in this life! Once a friendly Spirit wrote me a message through a medium from another Spiritist organisation who didn’t know anything about my history. The message ended like this: “Be parents! A son is waiting for you.” For me, that was hugely comforting. It was a reply from the Spiritual Benefactor, which I share with all of those who are trying to form a family. Think well and try to find answers during a period of deep reflection, considering all possibilities. Pray to God and ask for guidance to find alternative ways whenever a door is closed. Ask for strength and courage to overcome this particular trial. Let’s rest assured that we will be assisted in all our needs… a NO from God is also a blessing.