Spiritists, we need talk about death  Part 2 and final
Claudia Gelernter

Afterwards, at the moment of birth [from this world’s point of view], the Spirit is forced to leave the state of homeostasis, characteristic of the mother’s womb, where there’s no shortage of food, temperature is steady, sounds are muffled, to enter another world, much more aggressive, with needs, variations and threats. Despite the motherly refuge, the unpleasant sensations are a constant in this new context.

Following our development, we leave infancy in order to become more and more independent: we learn to communicate, build knowledge through our experiences and, depending on the environment we are in, and the tendencies we bring within ourselves, we may learn to deal with the losses that happen throughout the years, in a healthy way.

We grow physically and, in the psychological realm, between six and nine years of age, we comprehend the three basic components of the concept of death: the universality, the non-functionality and the irreversibility (Kovács, 1992). We learn, from a materialistic standpoint, that we all die and that, when this happens, we cease to function [the body]. And there’s no turning back… You cannot just“undie”. (Kovács, 1992).

In a short while we see ourselves on the brink of adolescence. Again we leave a phase to enter another, even more complicated. If up to now we possessed the protection provided by what we call latency of the tendencies of the unconscious material³, from now on our tendencies will hatch, quickly and sometimes in a scary way. We must face the mourning for the lost child’s body and at the same time try to realize what bursts upon us, inadvertently, pushing us into some emotional responses, never imagined. It is at this moment that many parents ask themselves: “Who is this son of mine whom I don’t recognize anymore?”.

From adolescence to the beginning of adulthood there are a few years. New challenges ahead: facing building a career, a family, caring for children that are born, etc. All these experiences resonate in the Higher Law – Divine or Natural Law – in which we are immersed. Therefore, all that happens up to this point and after that phase has a reason why, an objective, a purpose that, if understood, will become easier to be fulfilled.

We dance the ‘waltz’ of life and, if still incarnated, we become old. We approach the final stages of our corporal existence, having to deal with the mournings that come with this phase, such as retirement, that change people’s identity radically. We must cease to this or that professional [doctor, lawyer, etc.] to introduce ourselves to the world as ‘retirees’. And together with the loss of this old professional identity, there comes the loss of bodily functions, of vitality, of mobility, of memory, etc. We lose yet, in many cases, material security or the respect of family members who see old people as burdens to society, with nothing positive to contribute to the world [a problem of western culture, as a whole]. 

Finally, as we may realize, if we take into account only the natural cycles of development, we will have a number of grieves to sort out, according to the phase we are experiencing. However, in each phase we have to face not only the losses related to the stage we find ourselves in, but many others that will appear, without notice, and invite us to close down situations, experiences and endeavors abruptly. I speak of the many symbolic deaths, beyond the parental or physical realm. People of significance who disincarnate or steer away from our social contact, financial situations that change, professional detachments, loss of important objects, etc. are a few examples in our daily life. The way we deal with all these closures is individual and depends, essentially, on our background, our capability to deal with these existential challenges.

From normal to pathological grieving

Viktor Frankl, an Austrian psychiatrist, who was in contact with Freud and Adler, became a doctor in 1930. He had a life full of great challenges, some impressive, such as being imprisoned in a Nazi concentration camp. He was Jewish and an inmate in Auschwitz and Dachau, where he was imprisoned for more than three years. When released, he found out that he had lost almost his entire family – his father, mother, wife and brother were killed. In an interview that took place in South Africa in 1985, he told that even though he witnessed a lot of emotional and physical pain when living in these camps, he realized the need to find meaning in all the suffering. Creator of Logotherapy⁴ , Frankl taught that one could find the meaning of life through three means:

1)     Do a type of work that is important, or the accomplishment of a deed, a mission, that depends on your knowledge and your actions, and makes you feel responsible for what you do;

2)     Love a person, a cause or an idea, which establishes a commitment to the loved person or cause;

3)     In the face of inevitable suffering, assume the attitude of seeking meaning and usefulness to the pain, as through experience each person can contribute to the lives of others.

“Inside each one of us there are cellars where we gather the harvest of our life. The meaning is always there, as stockpiles full of valuable experiences. Whether in our actions, or things we learn, or the love we nurture for someone, or the suffering we overcome with courage and resolution, each one of these events brings meaning to life. To truly master your destiny and use your suffering to help others is the highest of all the meanings to me”. (Frankl, 1985).

Therefore, in order to find this higher meaning, we must comprehend the importance of the losses in our lives, withdrawing from these experiences more than the pain experienced, above all, a sense of why this pain exists and the possible ways to overcome it.

In the so-called ‘normal grieving’ the person elaborates the loss, realizing that a cycle has ended and, after a period of impoverishment of the world around, and a certain amount of suffering, the subject takes control of his own life again, seeking to get involved with other people or activities that bring them pleasure. A classic example, are the widows who dedicate themselves to a religious cause. This process is deemed as normal and people who learn to process losses that way [since childhood] tend to repeat this way of dealing with situations of grieving throughout their lives.

However, there is another kind of grieving, a whole lot more complicated, called ‘pathological grieving’. In this case, the person is not able to elaborate losses successfully. The unconformity in face of the finitude of a phase or of a person or also of an object or relationship can lead the individual to a state of prostration or constant rebellion. In other cases, it can lower one’s self-esteem to the point you think you’re not worthy of anything positive that may come from this world. Those are cases of melancholia, described by Freud in his text Grieving and Melancholia, from 1914. According to the father of psychoanalysis, in cases of melancholia the person experiences an impoverishment of the ego and is not able to direct his energy to other people or activities. (Freud, 1914). Me may claim, under Dr. Viktor Franklin’s point of view, that this person hasn’t found a meaning in all the suffering.

And, in agreement with the knowledge of spiritualism, we consider that previous experiences [from past lives], together with the way that people learn to deal with losses since childhood, end up guiding the way we elaborate the many grieves we experience throughout existence.            

Accepting death in order to improve life

Up to here we addressed the importance of educating for death, in the sense that we seek a meaning for life. We must say though, that we have at our disposal some valuable tools. One of them – Spiritualism – broadens our horizons as it unveils the reality of the Spirit – our true nature, our goals and needs, the importance of interpersonal relationships to our development and the world around us, as well as the possible results of those relationships according to our performance in this world. We know, through the Spiritualistic Doctrine, that we are ever-changing beings in constant transformation, living countless existences, in a constant coming and going and that, in every existence, we become more mature, more enlightened and, therefore, closer to perfection – the final objective of all of us.

Only when we accept this finitude, facing it head on, we will be able to reflect successfully about the life we lead. With that, we won’t continue just ‘living our lives’, but we’ll seek to understand what life really wants from us.

We’ll cease to ‘wish our days away’, in a thoughtless routine, like existential alienates, to start performing in the world with an objective, finding meaning in each new experience, sublimating feelings, transcending.

Only then, free from the ideological dogma that shut the world from questions of death, we may move forward, free to choose with clarity and responsibility all that is dear to us.  

Bibliographical references:

ARIÈS, P.; A História da Morte No Ocidente. Trad. P. V. Siqueira. Rio de Janeiro: Francisco Alves, 1977.

FRANKL, V.; A Descoberta de Um Sentido No Sofrimento, Entrevista na África do Sul, 1985, disponível no Youtube, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cd2KANOJuU, acessado em 11 de setembro de 2011.

Em busca de sentido: um psicólogo no campo de concentração. Petrópolis: Editora Vozes, 1991.

FREUD, S.; Luto e Melancolia. Edição Standard Brasileiras das Obras Completas de Sigmund Freud, v. XIV. Rio de Janeiro: Imago, 1917 [1915]/1974.

KARDEC. A.; O Livro dos Espíritos, 1ª edição comemorativa do sesquicentenário, FEB, Rio de Janeiro, 2006.

KOVÁCS, M. J.; (org) Morte e Desenvolvimento Humano. São Paulo: Casa do Psicólogo, 1992.
PAIVA, L.E.; A Arte De Falar Da Morte Para Crianças: A Literatura Infantil Como Recurso Para Abordar a Morte Com Crianças e Educadores. Aparecida, SP: Ideias e Letras, 2011.

PIRES, H.; Educação Para a Morte. São Bernardo do Campo: Correio Fraterno do ABC. 5ª edição, 1996.

QUINTANA, A.M.; Morte e Formação Médica: É Possível a Humanização?; in Santos (organizador), F.; A Arte de Morrer – Visões Plurais; Bragança Paulista. SP: Editora Comenius, 2009.

TORRES, W.C.; A Criança Diante da Morte: Desafios; São Paulo: Editora Casa do Psicólogo, 1999.